I have been caught by the bug of writing. It was a high to see my blog so active in the past three days. 😀 So what did I exactly do to bring it to such an active stage? Well I had three books to write about which I conveniently placed writing over three days. Come the fourth day, I haven’t finished reading another book. So what do I write about? 😮
As I thought about this, a recent conversation with a friend came to my mind. We were discussing the phase out stage. Now, before I proceed further it is essential to explain what we mean by the phase out stage. The meaning as understood by me and my friend is that this is a stage you experience from time to time across the seasons where you would not want to talk to anyone and rather be in the reclusive mood.
Although I have the liberty to discuss the reasons for our phase out stages respectively, I highly value privacy and would not divulge the details. However the generic points of the discussion are spanned out for introspection.
A – So why do you phase out?
B- Phase out is a result of not being able to answer uncomfortable questions pertaining to the likes of the job of a person and the marital status of the person which are often seen as the benchmarks of success.
A- Success is measured by different people in varied manners.
B- Agreed. But to majority success is defined in terms of a good job and a great marriage. If these things aren’t happening to you at the right time you are proclaimed a failure.
A-If majority contribute these factors as success then they are BLIND.
B- But that’s how most conversations work.
A-That is because the person isn’t given the due importance.
This small conversation set me thinking. Is it right to ask a person about their job and marriage plans? These seem to be the most likely questions when you catch-up with someone after a long time. But have you ever given a thought that these same questions may irk them? Irrespective of how close they are to you.
Also another bit in the conversation suggests that these questions somehow do not attribute the due importance required, to the person being discussed in the conversation. So if people were more important would you not be asking them these questions and instead wait for them to respond? At this juncture it is important to present the final bit of the conversation which is continued from above.
B- This is why; it is easier to talk to you because you are not bothered about these questions which seem to be important to others.
A- Do you mean it is easier to talk to me because I don’t probe?
B- No. It is easier to talk to you becomes you are judgment free. Moreover I myself feel it is necessary to tell you what is happening in my life.
And, the cat is out of the bag! 🙂 Judgment is what we fear the most and hence the phase out stage. So the next time when we converse, maybe a little thought about the questions we ask and the reactions we give to their responses, may save a person from going into the phase out stage. Once they are assured of no judgment candid conversations would become habitual.
Moral of the Story – Phase out stage isn’t bad; in fact it provides you with irrevocable peace but after all nobody likes being judged!
Post Script Note: Sruthi wrote this post three years back on her personal blog. To write this week for Peppery Mondays, she was busy with domestic affairs, but wisely decided to cull out her old post for republication on DeFameUs. What is interesting about this post now, is that the subject of it is still very relevant; so relevant, that I had a conversation with another close friend about why it is important to be not-making-judgments on people.